LIVING LIFE ON PURPOSE 
[This is copyrighted material, by Shirley White, 2004, Vision of Light, Inc. More than minimal quoting for review purposes is allowed only with specific written permission of the author]
We can allow life to happen to us, or we can actively participate in our lives and live on purpose and with purpose. The vast majority of us allow most of our lives to happen to us. . .we sort of just stumble between one experience and the next without any consideration of setting a course for those experiences and knowing that we have the power to influence and craft our future and now experiences and that we can learn a great deal from the things we have already experienced.
Our lives are ours to mold and design as intricately as we wish, if we participate fully in them. The beginning point of this crafting is to accept responsibility for our actions or lack of action that contribute to everything we experience. In taking that responsibility for everything in our lives, it is important to be very aware that we are not responsible for anyone else*s life or experiences. We can dramatically change ourselves and the course that our life will take, we cannot change anyone else no matter how much we would like to and no matter how hard we try. Everything in our lives is the result of choice. The choices we make will determine to a very great extent what the outcome will be.
What has been most disturbing to me is to see how readily and falsely people in general are willing to accept the victim*s role. And when we do not take personal responsibility for how we think, act, behave and move through our lives, we see ourselves as the victim of forces outside our ability to control or understand.
I have found a very magical tool that has the ability to change everything we experience in our lives. Each of us lives through our perceptions of events and experiences. That perception has been created and molded by our society, our families, our friends and by our choices of what myths and stories to believe about anything. However, we are very powerful and intelligent beings with the ability to change our perception of anything. We always have the ability to look at things from a different point of view. We most often are not willing to do that, and that contributes very much to our seeming inability to change our life situations.
Changing your perception requires the use of another powerful tool and that is ceasing to place blame on others for anything in your life. No one is to blame. Everything that occurs is the result of your personal choice and especially how you choose to view things.
We are so hard on ourselves and most unforgiving about those things that we call mistakes. We equate mistakes with failure. We accept that we have failed
And then we quickly look around to see whom we can blame for that failure. If you are actively doing anything, you will make choices that may bring forth results that are less than hoped for. Many times the results are far less than we hoped for and we jump into despair over our awful mistake. I would like to remove the word *mistake* from our vocabularies. It is really learning. That is what we do when things don*t seem to turn out as we had planned and hoped for. We learn. Or we choose not to learn and we blame. Falling short of the mark is not failure. It is a step towards learning and understanding that we need more information, better timing, greater focus, more determination or a different course of action before we reach the hoped for outcome. The difference between seeing something as a learning experience and a mistake or failure is only how you perceive it. Your perception is the most powerful thing in your life. All of those who have had what are considered very successful lives (and this has nothing to do necessarily with the accumulation of money, position, power or fame) have viewed hardships and apparent set backs as challenges and opportunities. And they are exactly that.
What could be more powerful than to know that if you don*t like something in your life all you have to do is change your perception of it and you can change it?
This society that we live in is so based in negativity it is a wonder any of us survive it happily and in good health. We not only see the obvious negative views of things, we look for an even more negative way to see and experience things. If you don*t think so, give some thought to the amazing numbers of groups whose total purpose for existing is to find some conspiracy in everything imaginable. It seems we must Place blame on the government, on politicians, on corporations, on boards of directors, on groups, on employers, on fellow employees, on friends, on partners and on and on ad nauseam. Someone or some entity is conspiring to do awful things to us and we have no control over it. That seems to be the prevailing thought.
What*s the secret in all of this? You will absolutely find what you are looking for in any circumstance. If you look for negative things, people to blame, conspiracies to conspire against you, you will most certainly find them. What if we began looking for the positive views? Look for how we can change something that we find distasteful. Look for what there is to learn from any given situation. Look for a better or more reasonable way to accomplish something. Take responsibility for your part in any given circumstance. What if we concentrated all that energy and focus on these things? We would literally change the world overnight!
I already hear the negative based thought forms rolling forth: *That is pie in the sky. Unrealistic stuff. This is a harsh, mean and nasty world that others are foisting upon us. We are the victims here.* And I will tell you again you may have it exactly as you choose to see it. It is ALL about your view of the world you are in. Yes, you truthfully look at and see what is happening around you, but you choose to take a brighter more positive and more productive view of things and possible courses of action. That is not pie in the sky, nor is it silly unsupported optimism. It is a choice of how you wish to create your life. And what you most do not wish to hear, know or understand is that YOU are the one that has the power to create the life that you desire.
Then how do we begin to change our perceptions when we are so steeped in the ways that we have been taught and the views held by those around us?
We might just as well begin with the big one. . . Take responsibility for everything in your life. The choices you have made every moment of your life have brought you to this place. No one else is responsible for your life and circumstances but you. This is the concept that usually brings the most resistance, denial and heated discussion of any other. I know it made me pretty angry when I even thought it might be possible at the time I first became aware of this precept. My question immediately was *Why would I choose to have all of this crap and all of these problems and difficult experiences in my life? That is just sick! What a load of BS!* As you can see, I did not go quietly into that good night. It took me a rather long time to come to terms with this. It didn*t have to, but I was very stubbornly resistant to the idea that I was responsible for everything in my life or maybe anything in my life. *What a ridiculous thought!*
All of you, on the other hand, are much brighter and smarter and far less stubborn and resistant than I was. You will find the truth for you within that concept and quickly learn to apply it to your lives. And that is a breathtakingly wonderful view from where I stand.
How do you begin to take responsibility for your life? I started with what was most prominent in my thoughts at the moment. And I asked, *So how could I possibly be responsible for the fact that I have severe arthritis in both of my knees and my lumbar spine?* I didn*t sit down one day and say, *I think as I get to my mid-forties I want all of the cartilage in my knees to be gone and arthritis to form on both knees and might as well throw in the lower back while I am at it.* No, I did not do that. But over the course of my life I made choices that eventually led to that.
First of all, I was conditioned to believe I had a genetic predisposition for osteo arthritis. So I believed it. Next, I led a very active physical life in many sports and as youth will do, I gave no consideration to what I might do that would assist my body to develop strong, healthy bones and muscles. I chose a less than healthy diet. You know, the college diet: Hamburgers, Tacos and Coca Cola. I didn*t always properly warm up and prepare my muscles in advance of strenuous sports participation. I didn*t take proper care of injuries when they occurred. I was young and I felt I was invincible and I didn*t want to hear all this *old folks* stuff about what you should or might do to take good care of your body. So my choices and beliefs were very heavy determiners of my more adult body condition. I had a lot of responsibility for the conditions I was experiencing. Hmm? That was a revelation. Maybe there was something to this idea that I was responsible for my life and circumstance after all.
Okay, so suppose that was so. I sure as heck could not be responsible for the terrible shambles of my love life. Look at all the rotten things previous love partners had done to me. How could I possibly be responsible for those things? I took a look and I sure didn*t like what I saw.
First of all I chose partners that had traits that were glaringly incompatible with what I said I wanted in my life. But that should have been okay, because I was sure that I could and would change them. Are you smiling with me yet? We might just as well all throw our heads back and really have a good hard laugh because I know you can already see how faulty this thought process was. Change them indeed! That never works and even if you or I had the ability to do this, it is totally not our job and how dare we think we have the right to change another. Only you can change you. And it is the same for everyone. It is everyone*s sovereign right to change or not and make their own choices in their lives. It is truly none of our business.
Of course even this enlightening knowledge wasn*t enough to totally convince me. What about those nasty, cruel and mean things that others like co-workers or acquaintances had said and done to me? Surely I had no responsibility for that? That is actually true. What another does is not my responsibility. How I respond or react to what another does is my responsibility. Oh brother, doesn*t seem there is any escape from this. Shouldn*t I be able to blame them for their apparent bad behavior?
Now we enter into another concept that is truly one that separates the wheat from the chaff. Judgment. Yes, we may make observations as to what we see others presenting to us. Judgment is something that is destructive, unproductive and promotes very harmful and unloving qualities in ourselves. We truly have no capability to judge another. We do not know from what perspective of their world they are coming; we are not aware of all the experiences and circumstances that have formed their views of life. We do not know the pains and sorrows that they have experienced and all of the myriad things that have shaped who they are at this place in their lives. We truly don*t know very important information about them.
You may have noticed that when someone makes a judgment about you or your behavior how upset and even angry it may make you. You know that they don*t have all or enough information to understand the why*s of your own situation. Neither do you know enough about their situation. When someone*s behavior or words are accusatory, painful, or anger producing, stop for a minute before you respond or react to them. Ask yourself if there is any element of truth in it? Be very frankly honest. Then claim anything that is true in what is said. Admit that perhaps you didn*t do your best, or you didn*t make an informed decision, or you can see how they might misunderstand your intentions, but only if that is true. What ever you see as truth, claim it. The next thing is to not respond in anger. Try saying, *I*m sorry you feel that way. I understand where you are coming from.* Then don*t continue to discuss it. Arguing brings forth nothing of value and only produces hurt feelings and painful interactions. You can choose to be hurt and feel pain from such actions, but what good purpose does that serve? Love them and leave them alone. Walk calmly away without malice and without blame.
None can do anything to you that you do not give them the power to do. Stop giving your power over to others. It is yours to use in the beautiful and hopeful creation of your life, not to be given away to anyone else. It is part of taking responsibility for your life. Then you will also come to see that the good and wonderful things in your life are there because you created them. Thank yourself and be grateful for all that is good and right in your life. We have far more in our lives to be appreciative of and grateful for than we normally give any thought to at all. Begin to be grateful for the incredible abundance that you have in your life every day. It will bring you an amazing shift in your perception of all things.
There is another important element to judgment. We practice more judgment directed inwardly at ourselves than we find others directing toward us. Stop judging yourself. Learn to become extremely honest with yourself, but not judging yourself. Whatever you may see within that you don*t like or that you think is somehow less than perfect or less than you wish to be, CHANGE IT!
You and you alone have the power, clarity, and desire to change those things that you don*t like about yourself. In order to bring about such changes, you will need to do something that most never even consider. You need to make as clear and as honest an assessment of who it is you are as you are able to do.
I want to suggest to you now that you do a little homework. I want you to make two lists. They can be lists of one word for each item, or as many words as it may take to express the thought. The first list is everything you can think of about yourself that you consider to be a good or valuable quality or trait. At the end of this list, give some sincere and serious thought to describing who it is you think you are and write at least one paragraph that describes who it is you think you are. It can be short and concise or it can be as lengthy as you feel you need to give this description. Write only who it is that YOU think you are. It doesn*t matter who anyone else thinks you are.
On the second list, I want you to put down every trait or quality that you don*t care for about yourself. List things that you would like to change about yourself and the way you present yourself to the world. At the end of this list I would like you to give the same serious and sincere thought to describe who it is you would like to become. When you write this, it should be understood that you are not to take any qualification into account. That is, write it as if there is no barrier of time, education, money, or support that exists to keep you from this you that you wish to become. Again, it can be short and concise or as lengthy as you desire.
These are two of the most important exercises you will ever do in your life, so please take it to heart and really give it all the thought, time and effort that you need to give you the most complete picture you are able.
(Continued in Part II)
[This is copyrighted material, by Shirley White, 2004, Vision of Light, Inc. More than minimal quoting for review purposes is allowed only with specific written permission of the author]
We can allow life to happen to us, or we can actively participate in our lives and live on purpose and with purpose. The vast majority of us allow most of our lives to happen to us. . .we sort of just stumble between one experience and the next without any consideration of setting a course for those experiences and knowing that we have the power to influence and craft our future and now experiences and that we can learn a great deal from the things we have already experienced.
Our lives are ours to mold and design as intricately as we wish, if we participate fully in them. The beginning point of this crafting is to accept responsibility for our actions or lack of action that contribute to everything we experience. In taking that responsibility for everything in our lives, it is important to be very aware that we are not responsible for anyone else*s life or experiences. We can dramatically change ourselves and the course that our life will take, we cannot change anyone else no matter how much we would like to and no matter how hard we try. Everything in our lives is the result of choice. The choices we make will determine to a very great extent what the outcome will be.
What has been most disturbing to me is to see how readily and falsely people in general are willing to accept the victim*s role. And when we do not take personal responsibility for how we think, act, behave and move through our lives, we see ourselves as the victim of forces outside our ability to control or understand.
I have found a very magical tool that has the ability to change everything we experience in our lives. Each of us lives through our perceptions of events and experiences. That perception has been created and molded by our society, our families, our friends and by our choices of what myths and stories to believe about anything. However, we are very powerful and intelligent beings with the ability to change our perception of anything. We always have the ability to look at things from a different point of view. We most often are not willing to do that, and that contributes very much to our seeming inability to change our life situations.
Changing your perception requires the use of another powerful tool and that is ceasing to place blame on others for anything in your life. No one is to blame. Everything that occurs is the result of your personal choice and especially how you choose to view things.
We are so hard on ourselves and most unforgiving about those things that we call mistakes. We equate mistakes with failure. We accept that we have failed
And then we quickly look around to see whom we can blame for that failure. If you are actively doing anything, you will make choices that may bring forth results that are less than hoped for. Many times the results are far less than we hoped for and we jump into despair over our awful mistake. I would like to remove the word *mistake* from our vocabularies. It is really learning. That is what we do when things don*t seem to turn out as we had planned and hoped for. We learn. Or we choose not to learn and we blame. Falling short of the mark is not failure. It is a step towards learning and understanding that we need more information, better timing, greater focus, more determination or a different course of action before we reach the hoped for outcome. The difference between seeing something as a learning experience and a mistake or failure is only how you perceive it. Your perception is the most powerful thing in your life. All of those who have had what are considered very successful lives (and this has nothing to do necessarily with the accumulation of money, position, power or fame) have viewed hardships and apparent set backs as challenges and opportunities. And they are exactly that.
What could be more powerful than to know that if you don*t like something in your life all you have to do is change your perception of it and you can change it?
This society that we live in is so based in negativity it is a wonder any of us survive it happily and in good health. We not only see the obvious negative views of things, we look for an even more negative way to see and experience things. If you don*t think so, give some thought to the amazing numbers of groups whose total purpose for existing is to find some conspiracy in everything imaginable. It seems we must Place blame on the government, on politicians, on corporations, on boards of directors, on groups, on employers, on fellow employees, on friends, on partners and on and on ad nauseam. Someone or some entity is conspiring to do awful things to us and we have no control over it. That seems to be the prevailing thought.
What*s the secret in all of this? You will absolutely find what you are looking for in any circumstance. If you look for negative things, people to blame, conspiracies to conspire against you, you will most certainly find them. What if we began looking for the positive views? Look for how we can change something that we find distasteful. Look for what there is to learn from any given situation. Look for a better or more reasonable way to accomplish something. Take responsibility for your part in any given circumstance. What if we concentrated all that energy and focus on these things? We would literally change the world overnight!
I already hear the negative based thought forms rolling forth: *That is pie in the sky. Unrealistic stuff. This is a harsh, mean and nasty world that others are foisting upon us. We are the victims here.* And I will tell you again you may have it exactly as you choose to see it. It is ALL about your view of the world you are in. Yes, you truthfully look at and see what is happening around you, but you choose to take a brighter more positive and more productive view of things and possible courses of action. That is not pie in the sky, nor is it silly unsupported optimism. It is a choice of how you wish to create your life. And what you most do not wish to hear, know or understand is that YOU are the one that has the power to create the life that you desire.
Then how do we begin to change our perceptions when we are so steeped in the ways that we have been taught and the views held by those around us?
We might just as well begin with the big one. . . Take responsibility for everything in your life. The choices you have made every moment of your life have brought you to this place. No one else is responsible for your life and circumstances but you. This is the concept that usually brings the most resistance, denial and heated discussion of any other. I know it made me pretty angry when I even thought it might be possible at the time I first became aware of this precept. My question immediately was *Why would I choose to have all of this crap and all of these problems and difficult experiences in my life? That is just sick! What a load of BS!* As you can see, I did not go quietly into that good night. It took me a rather long time to come to terms with this. It didn*t have to, but I was very stubbornly resistant to the idea that I was responsible for everything in my life or maybe anything in my life. *What a ridiculous thought!*
All of you, on the other hand, are much brighter and smarter and far less stubborn and resistant than I was. You will find the truth for you within that concept and quickly learn to apply it to your lives. And that is a breathtakingly wonderful view from where I stand.
How do you begin to take responsibility for your life? I started with what was most prominent in my thoughts at the moment. And I asked, *So how could I possibly be responsible for the fact that I have severe arthritis in both of my knees and my lumbar spine?* I didn*t sit down one day and say, *I think as I get to my mid-forties I want all of the cartilage in my knees to be gone and arthritis to form on both knees and might as well throw in the lower back while I am at it.* No, I did not do that. But over the course of my life I made choices that eventually led to that.
First of all, I was conditioned to believe I had a genetic predisposition for osteo arthritis. So I believed it. Next, I led a very active physical life in many sports and as youth will do, I gave no consideration to what I might do that would assist my body to develop strong, healthy bones and muscles. I chose a less than healthy diet. You know, the college diet: Hamburgers, Tacos and Coca Cola. I didn*t always properly warm up and prepare my muscles in advance of strenuous sports participation. I didn*t take proper care of injuries when they occurred. I was young and I felt I was invincible and I didn*t want to hear all this *old folks* stuff about what you should or might do to take good care of your body. So my choices and beliefs were very heavy determiners of my more adult body condition. I had a lot of responsibility for the conditions I was experiencing. Hmm? That was a revelation. Maybe there was something to this idea that I was responsible for my life and circumstance after all.
Okay, so suppose that was so. I sure as heck could not be responsible for the terrible shambles of my love life. Look at all the rotten things previous love partners had done to me. How could I possibly be responsible for those things? I took a look and I sure didn*t like what I saw.
First of all I chose partners that had traits that were glaringly incompatible with what I said I wanted in my life. But that should have been okay, because I was sure that I could and would change them. Are you smiling with me yet? We might just as well all throw our heads back and really have a good hard laugh because I know you can already see how faulty this thought process was. Change them indeed! That never works and even if you or I had the ability to do this, it is totally not our job and how dare we think we have the right to change another. Only you can change you. And it is the same for everyone. It is everyone*s sovereign right to change or not and make their own choices in their lives. It is truly none of our business.
Of course even this enlightening knowledge wasn*t enough to totally convince me. What about those nasty, cruel and mean things that others like co-workers or acquaintances had said and done to me? Surely I had no responsibility for that? That is actually true. What another does is not my responsibility. How I respond or react to what another does is my responsibility. Oh brother, doesn*t seem there is any escape from this. Shouldn*t I be able to blame them for their apparent bad behavior?
Now we enter into another concept that is truly one that separates the wheat from the chaff. Judgment. Yes, we may make observations as to what we see others presenting to us. Judgment is something that is destructive, unproductive and promotes very harmful and unloving qualities in ourselves. We truly have no capability to judge another. We do not know from what perspective of their world they are coming; we are not aware of all the experiences and circumstances that have formed their views of life. We do not know the pains and sorrows that they have experienced and all of the myriad things that have shaped who they are at this place in their lives. We truly don*t know very important information about them.
You may have noticed that when someone makes a judgment about you or your behavior how upset and even angry it may make you. You know that they don*t have all or enough information to understand the why*s of your own situation. Neither do you know enough about their situation. When someone*s behavior or words are accusatory, painful, or anger producing, stop for a minute before you respond or react to them. Ask yourself if there is any element of truth in it? Be very frankly honest. Then claim anything that is true in what is said. Admit that perhaps you didn*t do your best, or you didn*t make an informed decision, or you can see how they might misunderstand your intentions, but only if that is true. What ever you see as truth, claim it. The next thing is to not respond in anger. Try saying, *I*m sorry you feel that way. I understand where you are coming from.* Then don*t continue to discuss it. Arguing brings forth nothing of value and only produces hurt feelings and painful interactions. You can choose to be hurt and feel pain from such actions, but what good purpose does that serve? Love them and leave them alone. Walk calmly away without malice and without blame.
None can do anything to you that you do not give them the power to do. Stop giving your power over to others. It is yours to use in the beautiful and hopeful creation of your life, not to be given away to anyone else. It is part of taking responsibility for your life. Then you will also come to see that the good and wonderful things in your life are there because you created them. Thank yourself and be grateful for all that is good and right in your life. We have far more in our lives to be appreciative of and grateful for than we normally give any thought to at all. Begin to be grateful for the incredible abundance that you have in your life every day. It will bring you an amazing shift in your perception of all things.
There is another important element to judgment. We practice more judgment directed inwardly at ourselves than we find others directing toward us. Stop judging yourself. Learn to become extremely honest with yourself, but not judging yourself. Whatever you may see within that you don*t like or that you think is somehow less than perfect or less than you wish to be, CHANGE IT!
You and you alone have the power, clarity, and desire to change those things that you don*t like about yourself. In order to bring about such changes, you will need to do something that most never even consider. You need to make as clear and as honest an assessment of who it is you are as you are able to do.
I want to suggest to you now that you do a little homework. I want you to make two lists. They can be lists of one word for each item, or as many words as it may take to express the thought. The first list is everything you can think of about yourself that you consider to be a good or valuable quality or trait. At the end of this list, give some sincere and serious thought to describing who it is you think you are and write at least one paragraph that describes who it is you think you are. It can be short and concise or it can be as lengthy as you feel you need to give this description. Write only who it is that YOU think you are. It doesn*t matter who anyone else thinks you are.
On the second list, I want you to put down every trait or quality that you don*t care for about yourself. List things that you would like to change about yourself and the way you present yourself to the world. At the end of this list I would like you to give the same serious and sincere thought to describe who it is you would like to become. When you write this, it should be understood that you are not to take any qualification into account. That is, write it as if there is no barrier of time, education, money, or support that exists to keep you from this you that you wish to become. Again, it can be short and concise or as lengthy as you desire.
These are two of the most important exercises you will ever do in your life, so please take it to heart and really give it all the thought, time and effort that you need to give you the most complete picture you are able.
(Continued in Part II)
posted by Shirl | 12:05 PM
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